Shinobi Mystery
by Atari Atagashi-Chan
Summary: Genin love IM. Jounin don't know a thing about it. What happens when the jounin find out about it, spy on the genin's chatroom, and make up a fake sn? [oneshot] [semi ooc]


A/N: I've heard IM convo's are 'illegal' (cough -against the rules- cough) on here... but, hell. I'm gonna try it. I've read countless stories with IM convo's so please don't report me without reporting them too... (Yeah, I'm mean, I know... XD) Okay, I'm joking. Don't report them. Don't report me. Got it? (Thank you! T.T)

Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto series!

* * *

"Your team too?" Asuma asked around four in the morning. He, Kurenai, Anko, Kakashi, and Gai were all sitting in a large booth at a local bar towards the back. (Kurenai knew the owner, so she got them a nice quiet place by a window) 

"Yeah... they're all doing this thing called 'IM'," Kurenai stated.

"What could that possibly stand for?" Anko growled, munching on some dumplings.

"Instantly mature?" Gai guessed. Everyone stared at him like he was mad.

"It stands for 'instant messenger'," Asuma confirmed for them. "Shikamaru told me that when I asked him and said I didn't understand."

"Well, I wanna see what this new fad is all about!" Anko yelled. "Go to some instant messenger site and see what it is, Asu-san!"

Asuma clicked inside the browser and typed in when he got google. A bunch of sites popped up and the jounin crowded around Asuma's laptop, getting comfortable.

"This one is right! I saw Hinata sign up with this link!" Kurenai exclaimed, pointing to the third link google displayed: Asuma double-clicked on it and the opening page popped up. "Click browse chat rooms!" Kurenai demanded, knowing more than any of them about it, having had Hinata show her the works. They clicked on it and found many, many different ones. Finally, they found the link to the private chat rooms and clicked on it.

Millions of different links popped up. They saw one that caught their eye: Konoha Genin Lounge. (Ino had come up with that)

They clicked on it and a separate window popped up with a chat room. There was no options to talk, so they watched with interest as multiple-colored text appeared one after another in the giant box.

**

* * *

RamenHokageXoX:** are you serious 

**PinkFlower: **Yeah! Naruto... could you PLEASE use correct typing skills? It's very annoying how you don't punctuate...

**LittleMissUchiha: **Yeah... VERY annoying! Thank you, Sakura...

**PinkFlower: **0.o Ino... did you just say thank you to me?

**LittleMissUchiha: **Yes... yes I did...

**PinkFlower: **... are you on drugs...?

**RamenHokageXoX: **Well, excuse me for not punctuating! there... was that punctuated enough for you?

**PinkFlower: **...you forgot to capitalize the 't' in 'there'...

**RamenHokageXoX: **Oh, well EXCUSE ME:(

**-BloodRidenAvenger has just signed onto Konoha Genin Lounge-**

**PinkFlower: **HI, SASUKE-KUN!

**BloodRidenAvenger: **...

**BloodRidenAvenger: **hi...

**RamenHokageXoX: **Sasuke-teme! Yo! -waves-

**BloodRidenAvenger: **...fall off a cliff and die...

**PinkFlower: **SASUKE-KUN! Um... could you please stop that? -puppy eyes-

**LittleMissUchiha: **oooo! I didn't know you signed on, Sasuke-kun! Hi, hi, HI! -waves and blows kisses-

**BloodRidenAvenger: **You need to die, too, bitch.

**LittleMissUchiha: **But, Sasuke-kun! I'm your future wife!

**PinkFlower: **INO-PIG! IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT, I'LL PERSONALLY SIGN OFF AND COME AND GET YOU!

**LittleMissUchiha: **TRY IT, BILLBOARD BROW!

**PinkFlower: **I WILL!

**-PinkFlower signed off at 4:22:04 am-**

**BloodRidenAvenger: **...

**RamenHokageXoX: **Uh... Sakura?

**RamenHokageXoX: **OMG! INO! RUN! Sakura's gonna kill you!

**LittleMissUchiha: **I'm sorry, Naruto, but Ino isn't available at the moment... -cackles evilly-

**BloodRidenAvenger: **...

**RamenHokageXoX: **OO OMG! SAKURA KILLED INO!

**LittleMissUchiha: **Oh, shut up! Ino's just tied up... I'm signed back onto my account when I get home... ja!

**RamenHokageXoX: **omg... this is insane!

**BloodRidenAvenger: **...for once, I agree with you, dobe...

**-FATEwithVISION has just signed onto Konoha Genin Lounge-**

**BloodRidenAvenger: **Well, well... the Hyuuga is joining the chat?

**FATEwithVISION: **Yes, Uchiha... shut up and go die somewhere.

**RamenHokageXoX: **hi neji!

* * *

The jounin were all staring at it. 

"This is confusing..." Anko stated blatantly.

"Kakashi... your genin are awfully murderous... what have you been teaching them?" Asuma marveled, eyeing Kakashi with hints of insanity. The copy nin stared back at him.

"Sasuke's just like that... but, Sakura... well, I don't know what's going on in her case accept for the fact that Ino is her strict rival, so she'd obviously be competitive..." Kakashi growled, wondering himself about all this new information.

"Okay... now, lemme get this straight... that bolded thing is their names that they go by in that world?" Anko asked, swallowing a dumpling.

"It's called a screen name..." Kurenai informed.

"Alright... and, lesse...Ramen Hokage x o x is Naruto, right?"

Kakashi nodded.

"And pink flower is Sakura?"

Kakashi nodded again.

"And little miss Uchiha is Ino?"

Asuma nodded.

"And blood ridden avenger is obviously Sasuke..."

Kakashi nodded. "Can you tell by the screen name, the way he types, or the fact that he can't spell ridden?"

"All of those..."

"The one that just signed on is Neji, right?" Kurenai questioned.

"Right..." Gai stated slowly, getting used to everything.

They all slowly nodded to each other and read on again. It was deeper into the conversation and more people had signed on.

**

* * *

BloodRidenAvenger:** Seriously! WHO ARE YOU! 

**CrimsonUchihaBlood: **guess...

**BloodRidenAvenger: **...

**BloodRidenAvenger: **...give me some hints... do I know you?

**CrimsonUchihaBlood: **yes  
**  
BloodRidenAvenger: **okay, then are you a Uchiha?  
**  
CrimsonUchihaBlood: **...dude... look at my screen name... what do you think, moron?

**mendokusee: **Sasuke... I think... that's Itachi...

**CrimsonUchihaBlood: **Good job, Shika... even a lazy ass like yours is better than my pathetic younger brothers'...

* * *

"Uchiha Itachi!" Gai exclaimed. 

"Oh my gosh! It's Sasuke's brother!" Anko yelled, practically choking on her current dumpling.

"Wonder how Sasuke will react to that..." Asuma glowered.

"Yeah... interesting..." Kakashi whispered to himself, leaning in to make sure his student would be alright.

**

* * *

BloodRidenAvenger:** You're seriously my brother? 

**BloodRidenAvenger: **I'm quizzing you...

**BloodRidenAvenger: **What soup am I allergic to?

**CrimsonUchihaBlood: **That's easy! Leek, of course...  
**  
BloodRidenAvenger: **Hmph... that was too easy. What vegetable am I scared of?  
**  
CrimsonUchihaBlood: **Leek. Duh.

**mendokusee: **Sasuke? You're scared of leek?  
**  
RamenHokageXoX: **WAHAHA! SASUKE'S SCARED OF LEEK!  
**  
CrimsonUchihaBlood: **I once fed him leek in his sleep and he pissed the bed...

**BloodRidenAvenger: **ITACHI! WHAT THE FUCK! LEAVE ME ALONE! I WAS FOUR YEARS OLD, FOR KAMI-SAMA'S SAKE!

**RamenHokageXoX: **Sasuke... you wet the bed when you were little?  
**  
BloodRidenAvenger: **I DID NOT!  
**  
CrimsonUchihaBlood: **Yeah... he did... constantly...

**CrimsonUchihaBlood: **I remember he was six years old and he was so scared of the thunderstorm he had to come into my bed for the night and sleep with me. He wet the bed twelve times in four hours. I could have sworn there was piss left in him, but he did it twice more. I made him sleep on the floor after that and he got so mad at me in the morning that he cut my hair while I was sleeping the next day... that's when I had short hair for about a month. I made him eat leek soup as a punishment...

**RamenHokageXoX: **OO ARE YOU SERIOUS! HAHAHAHA! Omg... Sasuke's a bed-wetter! Want me to get you some plastic liners for your birthday? XD LOL!  
**  
mendokusee: **Okay, first: 0.o wow... Sasuke wets beds... we'll make sure to never let him live it down... Secondly... Itachi. You type really fast... 00

**FATEwithVISION: **Wow... the famous Uchiha of Konoha wets beds... interesting...

**PinkFlower:** -back!- AND I JUST READ THAT ENTIRE THING AND WHAT THE FUCK IS ITACHI DOING HERE AND WHY THE HELL DOES SASUKE WET BEDS?  
**  
LittleMissUchiha:** Ha! I just got out of your binding technique billboard brow! How pathetic...  
**  
LittleMissUchiha: **SASUKE WETS BEDS? Omg... poor Sasuke-kun!

**RamenHokageXoX: **Hey... where'd Sasuke go?  
**  
mendokusee: **he probably went invisible... his sn isn't showing up on my user list.

**PinkFlower: **NOOO! POOR SASUKE-KUN! ITACHI, YOU'RE SO MEAN TO HIM!  
**  
CrimsonUchihaBlood: **I have more... a LOT more... -snickers evilly-

**RamenHokageXoX: **I WANNA HEAR!  
**  
mendokusee:** yes, me too...

**FATEwithVISION: **Interesting... please tell me more, Itachi-san...

**CrimsonUchihaBlood: **Heh... perfect.

**CrimsonUchihaBlood: **Well, there was this one time when Sasuke came home and just randomly started crying, right? Well... heh... He had accidentally knocked over mom's china vase with a plastic shuriken. (He was five, I think...) And mom got so mad at him and had kicked him out of the house for the night... well, actually, it was father who did that. So, he had to spend the ENTIRE night on the roof. It was hilarious. He got hungry and asked me for food. I gave him a raw salmon and told him it was 'Skippy', our goldfish and he started sobbing his eyes out! He even did a burial for it, thinking it was a giant goldfish! Ha... Sasuke's so gullible! You can get him to do anything if you play your cards right...

**BloodRidenAvenger: **wait... that... wasn't Skippy?  
**  
RamenHokageXoX: **Hey, look! The bed-wetting Uchiha! XD lol!  
**  
BloodRidenAvenger: **FUCK YOU ALL! ITACHI! WAS THAT REALLY SKIPPY THAT I BURIED UNDER OUR GARDINIA BUSH?  
**  
CrimsonUchihaBlood: **nope...

**CrimsonUchihaBlood: **I fed Skippy to Mr. Tomato...

**mendokusee: **Who's Mr. Tomato...?

**CrimsonUchihaBlood: **He's our fat cat that Sasuke named when he was five and into his normal tomato obsession...

**BloodRidenAvenger: **ITACHI, IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP, SO HELP ME, I WILL TELL EVERYONE YOUR MIDDLE NAME!  
**  
FATEwithVISION: **What kind of a threat is that...?  
**  
CrimsonUchihaBlood: **NOO! SASUKE! WAIT! I'll stop, I swear!  
**  
RamenHokageXoX: **00 Is it really that bad, Itachi?  
**  
mendokusee: **didn't see that coming...

**PinkFlower: **Ooo! What's Itachi-kun's middle name?  
**  
BloodRidenAvenger: **KUN? SINCE WHEN DID YOU START CALLING HIM ITACHI-KUN!

**CrimsonUchihaBlood: **Since we made out last friday...

**mendokusee: **...

**FATEwithVISION: **...

**LittleMissUchiha: **EEEEEEEW! SAKURA, YOU SLUTTY WHORE!  
**  
RamenHokageXoX: **-starts sobbing- NO! SAKURA-CHAN! WHY!-?  
**  
PinkFlower: **I don't owe ANYONE an explanation and I'm leaving! Goodbye!

**-PinkFlower signed off at 4:38:43 am-**

**FATEwithVISION: **Okay... so what's Itachi's middle name?  
**  
CrimsonUchihaBlood: **Sasuke Uchiha, you better as hell not...!

**BloodRidenAvenger: **Cecelia

**CrimsonUchihaBlood: **SASUKE YOU LITTLE BASTARD! I SWEAR TO KAMI-SAMA I'M GOING TO SLAUGHTER YOU THE NEXT TIME KISAME AND I GET ASSIGNED TO KONOHA!  
**  
RamenHokageXoX: **CECELIA! XXDD HAHAHAHAHA! LMAO!

* * *

The jounin stopped reading for a second as Gai burst out laughing with Asuma. Kurenai twitched and gave a disgusted look towards the monitor. Anko was choking on her dumplings. Kakashi stared blankly at the screen. 

"You've got to be kidding me..." He growled. "It was bad enough finding out Sasuke wets the bed, but Cecelia? Come on..."

"CECELIA! HAHA!" Everyone howled with laughter.

"Here... give me this! I wanna type something!" Kurenai smirked.

"None of us have a screen name!"

"Exactly why we're making a fake one for all of us..." She clicked on 'create an account' and it pulled up a page. After typing in all the necessary information, she clicked 'ok' and went back to the chat room.

"Things will be very interesting from here on out..." Kakashi smiled.

**

* * *

ShinobiMystery:** So, the great Uchiha Itachi's middle name is Cecelia? 

**RamenHokageXoX: **00 Who is that? I've never heard that screen name before...

**mendokusee: **0o me either...

**FATEwithVISION: **uh... genjutsu?  
**  
mendokusee: **You can't do online genjutsu!  
**  
LittleMissUchiha: **...you can't...?

**mendokusee: **no

**LittleMissUchiha: **oh... whoops...  
**  
BloodRidenAvenger: **seriously... who is shinobimystery?

**ShinobiMystery: **Oh, no one...  
**  
BloodRidenAvenger: **Do we know you?

* * *

Kurenai and the jounin snickered to themselves.**

* * *

ShinobiMystery:** yup! You all know me! 

**RamenHokageXoX: **OMG! THAT'S CREEPY! Seriously! Who are you?

**mendokusee: **The available nin left that we all know that I don't know their screen names for are Kankurou, Tenten, and Lee...  
**  
LittleMissUchiha: **Tenten's is WeaponsMistress

**FATEwithVISION: **Lee's is YouthfulSoulOfKonoha29, I think...

**RamenHokageXoX: **Kankurou's is o0MakeUpAddict0o. Gaara told me that last week.

**LittleMissUchiha: **Then who...?  
**  
RamenHokageXoX: **Shika? You have any genius ideas for us?  
**  
mendokusee: **yeah... I calculated all the standing possibly results and there's only one left that doesn't have a screen name...

**RamenHokageXoX: **WHO!  
**  
mendokusee: **...the jounin...

**LittleMissUchiha: **WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT!-?-! XO

**RamenHokageXoX: **oh...my... GOD! OO

**CrimsonUchihaBlood: **You mean, like... the teachers at your academy?  
**  
RamenHokageXoX: **YEAH! Haha... there's no WAY that could possibly be! Jounin don't even KNOW about IM! XD

**ShinobiMystery: **Showed you, then, didn't we?  
**  
RamenHokageXoX: **... OO no... OMG! ...wait... WHO'S TALKING TO US?  
**  
BloodRidenAvenger: **this is insane... the jounin? You've got to be joking... this is all one big prank and we fell right into it, right?

**LittleMissUchiha: **yeah... I'm sure it's just a joke! Okay, Chouji? Gaara? Temari? Tenten? Hello? Who is it, for real?

**ShinobiMystery: **Kurenai, Asuma, Gai, Kakashi, and Anko all sharing one account... (Kurenai's typing...)

**LittleMissUchiha: **OO Holy... SHIT! NO WAY! NO NO NO NO NOOOO!

**BloodRidenAvenger: **Prove it...  
**  
RamenHokageXoX: **Good one, Sasuke!

**ShinobiMystery: **Easy... come to the local bar near Ichiraku's. It says 'Yamata Ishio' on the top. (That's the name of the bar.) We're sitting at the back table on Asuma's laptop...

**BloodRidenAvenger: **How do we know you aren't just a rapist trying to lure young kids into your fiendish desires...  
**  
RamenHokageXoX: **Like Orochimaru?  
**  
LittleMissUchiha: **what?-?-?

**RamenHokageXoX: **nvm...

**ShinobiMystery: **OKAY! HERE ARE THE FACTS!From Kakashi: Sasuke won't eat pancakes unless they were made by Sakura. Naruto is afraid of heights and wet cats. From Asuma: Ino is madly in love with Sasuke and has an album of drawn pictures dedicating it to him. Shika once say a death scene from the Odyssey in the clouds and fainted. From Gai: Neji once lied and said youth was the worst thing on the planet that had NOTHING to do with fate and it made me and Lee cry!

**ShinobiMystery: **That enough proof for you guys?  
**  
RamenHokageXoX: **OO NOOO! KAKASHI-SENSEI! NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT MY WET CAT PHOBIA!  
**  
BloodRidenAvenger: **Keh... Kakashi-sensei always has been annoyingly blunt like that... I think it's really them, you guys...  
**  
BloodRidenAvenger: **Ino? Do you really have an album of drawn pictures of me?  
**  
LittleMissUchiha: **-blushes- maybe...

**BloodRidenAvenger: **burn it...  
**  
mendokusee: **I suppose I'll meet you guys at Ichiraku's and we can go from there together...  
**  
BloodRidenAvenger: **Sure...  
**  
RamenHokageXoX: **Yay! Ja ne!  
**  
-RamenHokageXoX signed off at 4:59:01 am-**

**-BloodRidenAvenger signed off at 4:59:03 am- **

**LittleMissUchiha:** bye you guys! -waves- see you in a second!

**-LittleMissUchiha signed off at 4:59:09 am- **

**-FATEwithVISION signed off at 4:59:11 am-**

**-mendokusee signed off at 4:59:14 am-**

**CrimsonUchihaBlood:** I guess I'll go find another chat room, then... c ya...

**-CrimsonUchihaBlood signed off at 4:59:19 am-**

* * *

"Haha! Look! Here they come!" Anko pointed to the door of the bar that swung open. In walked Sasuke, Ino, Naruto, Neji, and Shikamaru, all looking equally tired ten minutes later. 

"Oi!" Kakashi shouted. The genin turned their attention to the table.

There sat the said jounin completely relaxed and comfortable around Asuma's laptop. They all smiled and waved in the genins' direction. All their jaws dropped and hit rock bottom as they gazed stupidly at their instructors.

That was the last any of the geninwere ever seen on instant messenger...

* * *

A/N: Er... just a little oneshot I thought up. You like? Hope so... XD Okay, well... please don't report me. I'm very worried about that and I'm VERY sorry if I broke any rules... seriously, don't report me. But, leave a review, please? (flames welcomed) Sankyuu to all who review! I love you all and wish you a merry Christmas! (ha... I wish! XD)  
Yeah, I do know that isn't exactly how everything works... I was sort of improvising to make the story work, so please put up with it... sorry! X3 


End file.
